Never Ending Sleep

My energy lever has been severely lacking lately. I've tryed every vitamin that contributes to fatigue, regular exercise, I get 8 hours of sleep. All I can think of is my anxiety. I was born with severe generalized anxiety disorder, its a battle and interferes with my day to day life. Medications don't work, or at least none that I have tryed. I'm tired of feeling tired, I'm tired of sleeping 8-9 hours and walking up feeling like I need another 12. I have never in my life woken up from sleep feeling refreshed and full of energy.. ever. I'm also started to wake up with a lot of upper back and neck pain. I have no idea how to fix this.. I can't afford a new mattress. So I live with it, dealing with the chronically heavy eye lids and the feeling of sleep deprivation coming in and out. I hope that one day I can figure this out and one day I'll know what its like to wake up feeling refreshed...

These Moments

Cloudy out today which I love. Went for a walk down to the Riverside Park and took the forest trails along the water. Went to my favourite spot along the path, a broken down mangled dock with cement beams hanging over the edge. Stopped and sat their by myself. Stared out into the water for a while. Sat their with my eyes closed and my head up.
The wind was strong and was blowing hard on my face but it was refreshing. The sound of nothing but the leaves and trees rustling, the waves as they roll in hitting land. It started to spit rain. I set there with my eyes closed, head up into the wind and the faint rain hitting against my face, nothing else matters in those moments. You feel one with the earth, you know peace, you know what matters.
Its the little things and the moments of utter peace that nothing in our chaotic lives can give us.

Battle Field

I'm so terrible at keeping up with my blog. Maybe I feel I have nothing of worth to say, maybe its laziness, I'm not really sure. Maybe a bit of both. Sometimes I feel I think too much and by the end of each day my thoughts make my head pound and try to seep out of my ears, painful infection. By this time I don't want to burden my mind with going back over the endless frustrating thoughts that run my mind like a battle field.