The Snow is Here and Christmas Has Come

We didnt receive snow this Christmas until nearly a week before, very odd indeed. Snow usually hits us very early, near the end of October to mid november. So far this winter has been very mild so Im not complaining. But indeed damp and this has not been good for my joints. Right now Id say we are getting the most snow, its snowing like crazy as I type this, beautiful night out, the snow is glowing. I've got nice winter boots this time around so my feet are always toasty warm. As for a coat Im not a fan of big and bulky so it can be a bit chilly. I bought an awsome hat, tiger striped and furry. It has cat ears and has long sides with mittens attached = epicness :) The night tonight:

This Christmas seemed much better then last although I didnt get as much time with the family. Not that I really enjoy family gatherings as it can be awkward but it was nice to get out. Christmas eve dinner at my grandmas and Christmas day eve was dinner at my aunts.

Presents are always nice. I dont often get things and although it wouldnt bother be to receive nothing at all, it is always nice. My boyfriend got my a new camera which I desperetly wanted. 16.2 mega pixels and in full HD so its a kick as camera. I however am still saving up to get Malcolm his gift as money is in short suply for me right now. My mother got me a new sweater, a through blanket, a few nice t-shirts, some new makeup, some more polymer clay for my homemade jewelry I make. I then ofcourse recieved a few things from other family members, gift card, money and many chocolates lol.

I ended up purchasing 2 new sets of earrings as I havent bought new earrings in an extremely long time. They are false plugs as my ears are not stretched - by choice. Personally I think stretched ears look so gross. Im fine if you have them, Im just never doing that to mine. Not a fan of dangly ear lobes. I have 14 ear piercings as it is, I enjoy a million piercings on my ears instead. The first set is a pair of brass knuckles and the second set is a pair of stars with jewels around them.

So overall the holidays were pretty good. Yesturday some of our friends stopped by pretty much randomly and we all got drunk and had a nice time lol. There has been much drunkeness this time of year, isnt there always? Now for the epic drunkeness on new years which by the way we have still no idea what we are doing and live near no one, so we shall have to see what happens.

Halloween

One of my favourite times of the year. A time when everything I enjoy is part of the celebration. I miss trick or treating, so many fun memories, candy and movies. The weekend of halloween was spent in Ottawa at a friends house. It was quite fun but all the walking was a killer. She doesnt live right down town so its constant walking and bus rides = annoying lol. Friday we went out for supper, saturday we spent some of the day walking around downtown and then we went to the club that night - halloween themed of course. I picked up some awsome white contacts and some custom vampire teeth.

It was cold so the walking at night was a killer but thankfully saturday was actually kinda nice. Of course I like cold weather so the only killer was sleeping at their house, its awkwardly warm in there.. kinda reminded me of a sauna - it was humid. I like recycling the air in the house, not living off the stale air.

I personally would have partied a lot harder but not many of them were really up to it but all in all it was a good visit.

Bring On The Fall and Good News

With summer finally coming to its end we have been able to enjoy the outdoors. The AC finally off and the open windows bringing in the refreshing cool breeze; how I've missed it. However with the cold coming on this also means snow is not far behind and although the winter is very beautiful the cold around here is a bit extreme. Without working, this year has gone by so fast, it really puts things into perspective.
Quite a bit of news I have gathered recently to share. The first is that my best friend Sarah is now engaged to her long time boyfriend, Craig. They are planning to have the wedding in the winter of 2013, January I believe. Whats exciting is that Sarah made me the maid of honor lol I feel special =) and I've never been in a wedding before. The engagement party will be late this October and held in Arnprior. Sarah's parents are thrilled - well atleast she said her father was but Craigs parents are not as like minded. His parents to me have always come off a bit like a wealthy stuck up family. It seems that because Craig was their last born he's like their baby and I've talked to Sarah about this aswell and we think they are the type of people that look down on people that don't make as much money and Sarah's family makes no where near what they make. None the less they will have to deal and be happy for their son or simply waste their lives with hatred and stay bitter. Either way the wedding will go on.

                                   Older picture of Sarah and I at our old apartment.

So the Engagement party will be next month the day before halloween. Sarah said they are contemplating going out for chinese and then going back to her grandma's because she has a large yard to set up a gathering outside.

So on another interesting note, this saturday I'm heading to Carp for a friends surprise birthday party. It will be nice to get out of arnprior and hang out with some friends. Im not a huge fan of sleeping at others houses as I ALWAYS get horrible sleep but we shall see how it goes. I believe Malcolm and I are getting the only other matteress lol. I really hope anyway. I've never been to their new apartment, the only kinda crappy thing is that its probably all males.. except his girlfriend. That many boys are very boring to hang around if they are mainly into video games.. which they are *shutters*. So I will just have to stay drunk enough to keep myself entertained lol. But who knows maybe we wont do too much of the games this time, we dont always do but... when we go to some of the other guys houses its watching video games being played for 8 hours... omg simple minded much? I need some fucking stimulation lol. It will be nice going somewhere other then our house though. Mainly they come up here and its hard when your down stairs neighbour is a complete cunt.

New Piercings New Changes

Although I have little to do everyday I am able to choose what I want to do and thats all that I care about. My E.I runs out mid October but Im not overly worried.. I know something will come up. Im going to start out part time as jumping right back into working will feel like a huge pain in the ass.. then again working anytime feels like a pain in the ass. Apparently just down the street from our apartment theres a new building they are fixing up to become a dog wash lol. If that does end up happening I'll throw in a resume there. Working at Pet Valu for 3 years prior will be a nice push to get me in.
My days arent filled with much, sitting around watching TV or on the internet but truth is Id do alot more if it wasnt 80 out all the time. Anything over 70 out is honestly hot enough to make me severely uncomfortable. Ontario has been going through horrible humidity lately, today was the first semi-good day. Less humidity and almost a bit chilly. It was a wonderful feeling, that chill that I had waited soo long to feel once again.
A few months ago I joined a facebook family group, 'Sin On Skin' . As you probably have seen the links at the side of my blog. A community supporting and advertizing all body modifications for men and woman. Our group has not been around for long so we still have a lot to do. But we plan on getting our name out, an official website, future group gatherings and much more. Check us out with both of the links on my blog. Although the number of people with modifications are growing, they are still widely looked down on and we are judged based on this appearance. Or goal is to further gain acceptence, educate people and have a place for people to chat and gain friends.
On the topic of modifications about a month ago I got my septum pierced at the Petawawa Tattoo/Bike show. There were tattoo/piercing companies from all around Ontario set up at stations and the bikes were layed out across the center of the room. Competitions for best back piece tattoo, largest tattoo, coloured tattoo and many more. I got my septum done at 'Bad Kitty' from Quebec, she was in her young to mid 20's and had been piercing for 12 years, she was excellent and very friendly.

 

The Bad Kitty                                                                                             The Wizzards Den

My septum piercing didnt hurt as much as I anticipated, putting the ring through hurt more then the process itself. I had always wanted my septum done but I never knew if it would look good and my family always hated the piercing but I gave in and couldnt wait any longer. I love it. The healing process also hurts worse then having it done. When the steal grinds through my flesh when its dryed out or has crusties its almost insane. But overall Im so happy I got it done and its very close to being healed now.

A Change

I seem to have a really hard time writting on these often lol. My brains always wondering in so many places half the time if I wrote it would be a lot of random paragraphs about the confuzing jibberish flying around in my head. These past 8 months have been the most exciting months for me in a long time. I've been on E.I as the place I worked shut down. I've been able to enjoy myself. Really makes you aware of how much working is a waste of your 1 chance to enjoy life. My money runs out half way through October and I have no idea where Im going to go... if I have to go back to retail, I may just have to hang myself lol. Thankfully right when I lost my job my boyfriend of 6 and a half years now got an excellent job, apprentice technician/electrician =D
As I said I've been able to enjoy myself more freely over the last 8 months. Relaxing and going out as I please. Im pleased to say that we now for the past 3-4 months have owned a 55" HD Plasma Flatscreen and is almost entirely payed off now. BUT funny enough we have no couch LOL how? We had a futon, it broke..we bought another..the bars broke! SO.. we are saving up for a nice sectional to go with our glorious TV. Thank god his job pays a lot. I was able to save up to get my back piece tattoo. Tattered wings with "Demon To Some, Angel To Others" written across them, a quote from the film "HellRaiser." I've wanted that saying on me since I was in early highschool. People will always judge you for whatever reason but there will always be someone that will never judge<3

To Inform

When I was walking up the stairs I met a man who wasn't there..
He wasn't there again today. I wish, I wish he'd go away..

The Oxy High

Unfortionatly due to the overwelming conditions that run in my family I was cursed with my fair share. Not to go into uncomfortable details but my uterus and ovaries do not function properly, causing severe paralyzing pain mainly during my monthly visit. Dont like knowing about this? then don't read. Piss off. 
I have chronic cysts that tent to burst on my ovaries where I've ended up in the hospital numorous times leading to heavy amounts of morphine =). Endometriosis runs on my mothers side and the doctors and I are leaning towards that being the case for me aswell. I will be getting tested for this condition(requiring minor exploritory surgery) to confirm. This condition causing crippling pain (mainly in lower back). I can honestly say I've never experienced anything more painful in my entire exsistence then my cramps. Recently I ended up in the hospital twice from the pain. I was given a new perscription painkiller to take along with the Naproxen Im currently on, which is actually a painkiller given to atheletes with severe injuries. The narcotic is Oxycodone which is just another type of Oxycotin. This apparently gives you a similar high as heroin. Now I am in no way a "for drugs" kind of person. I do not smoke, and I do not smoke weed, Oxycotin is a very serious drug. I am on this strickly because when I get the full blown pain I am curled into a fetal position clenching my stomach hyperventilating and screaming from the most brutal pain I think could ever exsist and this happens every 28 days 0_o, I've wanted to kill myself from this much pain. Doctors compare it to a long constant labour pain. So I take 2 Naproxen and 1 Oxycodone and usually I only have to take this for the first day of my period. Today was the first day trying the Oxycodone. You can feel the pain slipping away and you still feel fine.. then finally you hit the kicker. Your mind shuts off for the initial rush and you sink into a major high for about 5-10 minutes.. it feels honestly amazing. Once you come down your at a nice steady high for about 4-6 hours.

Trust me.. when you feel pain that severe.. you dont care what drug you're on as long as it makes the pain go away.

Some info on Oxycodone -

Pain relievers such as aspirin and ibuprofen work at the site of the pain to reduce irritation. Oxycodone works differently. It moves into the brain and central nervous system and binds to receptors (nerve endings) that seek pleasure-enhancing and painkilling nerotransmitters. A substance that helps spread nerve impulses from one nerve to the other. Once the brain receives the medicine's message in its receptors, the patient no longer feels the pain. The condition causing the pain does not change, but the patient relaxes and the sensation of the pain is gone.
Taken as directed, oxycodone-containing medicines generally cause few side effects.
When oxycodone painkillers are abused, their effects are similar to the heroin high. This is because each extended-release dose of oxycodone contains a large amount of the drug. It is designed to be taken slowly, not to flood the body all at once. When crushed and eaten, snorted, or injected, a high dose of oxycodone floods the body and causes a rush of euphoria. The drug literally overwhelms all of the brain's receptors that search for endorphins. A group of naturally occuring substances in the body that relieve pain and promote a sense of well being. (molecules that act to relieve pain and to produce drowsiness). The user feels free of pain, anxiety, and unhappiness. After a few minutes of this intense euphoria, the user settles into a longer period of general pleasurable drowsiness and a dreamlike state.
While this drug can be safe and effective if used PROPERLY(perscription from doctor!) This drug can be extremely dangerous and it only takes one time to abuse it and lead to your death! Please do not abuse medication.. you only get one life, dont risk it. I'm not going to lie, this high is amazing and Im enjoying every minute of it, almost the sensation of floating and it puts your mind at such ease. Me being full of anxiety and tension this really calms your thoughts. And I float off ..at least for a few hours..

Celler Door

"Suddenly there came a tapping,  as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door..."

When moments of pure reality kick in, or is that insanity? Do you let your mind sweep you away. The doors open and you stumble down onto the darkened cobblestones only to lead you forward, deeper into your unknown. What awaits us? What is there to find? If you could get lost inside do you think you'd ever find your way back out? I often pounder my thoughts. I sit and I think, about nothing inparticular.

A chronic day dreamer, to get lost in myself. Is our dreams reality and when we are awake is this the fake? Maybe our dreams are simply another realm. I would gladly get lost in my dreams but of course, we always have to wake up.. dont we?

The Uncertainty

The uncertainty of can be overwelming and enough to break down into a pit of insanity. I've often wondered why life has to be so difficult. And those who beat you down for believing so are usually the brainiacs who have it so easy or a payed education for them. When offered this life it is not handed out evenly with a set amount of skills for everyone, unfortionatly. We are not all made for hard labour, retail and many of us are not "college material" so to speak. When I think about my future I become completely conflicked, lost and angered as my mind wanders too much into itself. What do I want to be? Who will I become? What do I have to offer? Will I make a difference? All these questions we all share and they battle in our minds fighting for the answers. But I've always known who I was, to be honest, I guess not many people can say that or so I've noticed. I've always felt the same way about everything, always believed in the same things, liked the same things though people around me seem to constantly change. It confuses me, were they not themselves before? A phase? Which is human and everyone goes through phases but the degree in which some people go through apsolutely amazes me. A complete 360. People keep waiting for me to change, family and friends asking, "you still in that "goth phase?" very unjust and stereotypical question indeed. But I've never considered myself anything other then just me. And of course this makes you get bitched at because apparently I'm not liking what a "goth" should like, well excuse me. I guess I forgot to read the brochure. How can you do that? Break a person down into a box? Is that even possible? If so, wow aren't we the simple minded..

Break The Seal

Sometimes is it better to stay lost then find your way back home to the roots of your battered past? So where shall I begin? My name is kristen, I'm 22 and still creating myself. Highschool graduate with high marks in English and art. Failing grades in math and about every other subject. Never had thoughts about going to college as I don't find school is for me. I had a hard enough time dealing with authority then, so by now I doubt its improved. With a background of no money I wasn't really excited about paying off a student loan until I was 45. The goveronment takes too much already, no need to add to this interest. Everything I ever wanted to do didnt really require schooling and everything I want to do is more a hobby so that might be out the window. I would love to write for a living, but what I want to write. Not the bore that is smashed into our faces everyday. I would love to draw and create works of art. Now you may say you can go to school for that. Yes you can but the odds of this schooling adding to me getting anywhere in art is slim to none as art is the least feild out their requiring people. I would love to run a small animal rescue and who know, I might help one someday, this is a possibility. I refuse to live and die in retail with all the mindless zombies slaving to push the machines of society. I was born in Pembroke Ontario and I moved to Arnprior around 4 or 5. Lived out my life there until I was about 19 and then I moved back to Pembroke with my boyfriend for a change of scenery. I never fit in in school, yet I never had it bad either. Luckely when you make friends with the preps in kindergarden that bond always sticks. I was picked on a bit during the beginning of school but that shortly stopped seeing as I'd rather go down fighting then let anyone talk to me in such a manner. Bullies on average are all talk and no action, you show any sign of fighting back and they seem to cave. So I assume I was just made fun of behind my back after that. I have a very broad heritage, I'm English, German, French, Native, Polish and Italian.