The Uncertainty

The uncertainty of can be overwelming and enough to break down into a pit of insanity. I've often wondered why life has to be so difficult. And those who beat you down for believing so are usually the brainiacs who have it so easy or a payed education for them. When offered this life it is not handed out evenly with a set amount of skills for everyone, unfortionatly. We are not all made for hard labour, retail and many of us are not "college material" so to speak. When I think about my future I become completely conflicked, lost and angered as my mind wanders too much into itself. What do I want to be? Who will I become? What do I have to offer? Will I make a difference? All these questions we all share and they battle in our minds fighting for the answers. But I've always known who I was, to be honest, I guess not many people can say that or so I've noticed. I've always felt the same way about everything, always believed in the same things, liked the same things though people around me seem to constantly change. It confuses me, were they not themselves before? A phase? Which is human and everyone goes through phases but the degree in which some people go through apsolutely amazes me. A complete 360. People keep waiting for me to change, family and friends asking, "you still in that "goth phase?" very unjust and stereotypical question indeed. But I've never considered myself anything other then just me. And of course this makes you get bitched at because apparently I'm not liking what a "goth" should like, well excuse me. I guess I forgot to read the brochure. How can you do that? Break a person down into a box? Is that even possible? If so, wow aren't we the simple minded..

Break The Seal

Sometimes is it better to stay lost then find your way back home to the roots of your battered past? So where shall I begin? My name is kristen, I'm 22 and still creating myself. Highschool graduate with high marks in English and art. Failing grades in math and about every other subject. Never had thoughts about going to college as I don't find school is for me. I had a hard enough time dealing with authority then, so by now I doubt its improved. With a background of no money I wasn't really excited about paying off a student loan until I was 45. The goveronment takes too much already, no need to add to this interest. Everything I ever wanted to do didnt really require schooling and everything I want to do is more a hobby so that might be out the window. I would love to write for a living, but what I want to write. Not the bore that is smashed into our faces everyday. I would love to draw and create works of art. Now you may say you can go to school for that. Yes you can but the odds of this schooling adding to me getting anywhere in art is slim to none as art is the least feild out their requiring people. I would love to run a small animal rescue and who know, I might help one someday, this is a possibility. I refuse to live and die in retail with all the mindless zombies slaving to push the machines of society. I was born in Pembroke Ontario and I moved to Arnprior around 4 or 5. Lived out my life there until I was about 19 and then I moved back to Pembroke with my boyfriend for a change of scenery. I never fit in in school, yet I never had it bad either. Luckely when you make friends with the preps in kindergarden that bond always sticks. I was picked on a bit during the beginning of school but that shortly stopped seeing as I'd rather go down fighting then let anyone talk to me in such a manner. Bullies on average are all talk and no action, you show any sign of fighting back and they seem to cave. So I assume I was just made fun of behind my back after that. I have a very broad heritage, I'm English, German, French, Native, Polish and Italian.